Sunday, March 26, 2017

A Heartfelt Chat



Hey y'all.

In my most recent Youtube video, I mentioned how I might use this blog to talk about more personal things in my life and the world in general I guess, so here I am.  Firstly a little disclaimer, although you all are so lovely I doubt this will happen, but I am not using this as a cry for attention.  I am not looking to be the center of attention.  I am purely just talking about some things, personal things, that I happen to want to talk about.





Ok so here we go.

One of my closest friends got admitted to the hospital for emergency brain surgery last Saturday.  I don't think I will go into more detail yet because, you know, privacy and stuff and I don't think she would want me to talk about it yet.  I remember getting the text: I was shopping in Barnes and Noble and I get a message from her that she had major brain surgery a couple days previously and is just now getting out of the groggy, post-surgery mind set.  I'm just glad to hear that she is ok, but man..that is a terrifying thing to hear.

I would say my mental mind set has not been the best over the past couple of months, this past month in particular.  I have been dealing with some anxiety and feeling down, that I feel like has definitely affected my life; I don't go out and do the things I used to and I'm not really able to find the motivation to do so either.  Idk.  It's been hard.  I don't particularly like talking about my feelings to others, I internalize a lot of those feelings, so I guess it gets a little lonely this way.  It's something that I am trying to work on.

My love life has also been kind of a mess lately too.  I've gone on several dates with guys, and recently I have been spending a lot of time with one guy in particular.  Everything has been going amazingly, until he wanted to put us on pause because he realized that he heart hadn't healed completely when his ex (of a 2 year relationship) cheated on him a couple of months ago, and wasn't ready to call me his girlfriend.  Even though I really like him and I want him to be happy, I can't help but feel like this makes me feel inferior and not good enough.  Idk also.  I guess this has just been a lot on my mind.

So those are just a couple of things that I wanted to write about.  Thank you for listening (or rather, reading) - I appreciate it.

I'm currently laying all cuddled up in my bed, watching Parks and Recreation and snacking on cashews.  What a perfect Sunday.  I hope you all have a great week.  Talk to you soon xxx

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